Ludacris - The Red Light District: Album Review

Ludacris, The Red Light District (Def Jam, 2004)
I haven't heard much about this new Ludacris album at all in the blogosphere, which, at the very least means that the dude doesn't have much buzz in the overeducated 20-something white guy community. I thought you guys liked Southern rap! But at least it's actually got a video for it that comes on TV unlike, say Cam'ron. It'll probably come close to selling as much as that last garbage he put out to people who don't know any better, but it's clear that the music is no longer Luda's number 1 concern.

INTRO

Not that I can blame him. If I had 4 houses and who knows how many cars (peep this months issue of Complex magine), I wouldn't be sweating trying to put out good rap albums either.

NUMBER ONE SPOT

But I guess he's gotta put out something to keep his stack growing and to make sure all of the random ass people who work for him have something to do next year. But I wish he'd stop frontin' like his shit is that good.

GET BACK

The "hit" single. I guess this is supposed to be like a cross between "Lean Back" and "Move Bitch Get Out the Way." I can't remember what the single from his last album sounded like, but I'm sure it was similar. Dude's repeating himself.

PUT YOUR MONEY

I thought DMX was in jail for being a crackhead and stealing cars and taking people hostage and all kinds of wacky Steven Seagal bullshit. Is Swizz Beatz going around selling 5-year-old outtakes from back in the Ruff Ryders days?

BLUEBERRY YUM YUM

Because he's been known to do shit like that. I'm pretty sure he did that to Nas for that shitty Bravehearts song on Stillmatic. I should probably mention that this is the worst song on here so far. It's really bad.

CHILD OF THE NIGHT

This one's better. It features Nate Dogg and sounds like it was produced by Kanye West even though I wouldn't be surprised if it was just someone ripping off Kanye West's style. In fact, most of this album sounds like random ass kids trying to rip off either the Lil' Jon sound or the Neptunes sound.

THE POTION

Not that Ludacris couldn't afford to get whoever he wants, but I'm sure somebody at the label figured out that you could maximize profit by cutting down on production costs and it's not like anybody who would buy this would notice anyway.

PASS OUT

Get it? They think you're stupid. And if you buy this, you are, really. This isn't even music, it's product. I'm deleting this shit from my hard drive as soon as I get done reviewing it.

SKIT

Whatever.

SPUR OF THE MOMENT

LOL at DJ Quik being on this. I swear this is the same exact beat that's been on every single DJ Quik song I've ever heard since the mid '90s. Did you know that some people consider this clown a musical genius? I know, it's hilarious.

WHO NOT ME

Ludacris lets two of his weed carriers get a piece of this one. One of them sounds a lot like TI and the other one kinda sounds like Too Short. One of them is actually named Small World just like the theme park in Robin Harris' old "Bebe's Kids" routine.

LARGE AMOUNTS

I might've taken things a bit too far back with that one. A while ago, some kids complained when I brought up the great child rapper Jordy in a story about Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.

PIMPIN' ALL OVER THE WORLD

See, it's like "Hoes in Different Area Codes," only now it's all over the world. It actually kinda sounds like a J-Kwon song. Need I say more?

TWO MILES AN HOUR

The chorus from this was actually borrowed from a Will Smith song. Otherwise, it ain't that bad for what is. I mean, it ain't that good either, but whatever.

HOPELESS

After a whole album of, "I got more money than you" and "I'm tired of people asking me for money," it's hard for me to buy this crap about how hopeless the world seems. Call me crazy.

VIRGO

This was on that Nas disapointment from a couple of weeks ago. I'm convinced that the fact that it seems like a better song at the end of this mess is only proof that this mess is a lot worse than that mess, if you know what I mean.

COMMENTS: Just scroll up the page again and look at the cover to this shit, and if you still feel like this might be a good album, then fuck you. You're obviously an idiot and the reason why companies like Def Jam continue to get away with shit like this. My bad if this review wasn't as amusing as some of my other ones. I couldn't even concentrate on typing with this shit playing. And I'm hungry too.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT AND DISCUSS: I really can't stand listening to garbage like this. I'm about to put on some Gin Blossoms to cleanse my palate. Then I'm gonna go eat.

(C) 2004 PenceFo Industries. All rights reserved.